Consolidated Student Solutions has a problem. Their customer service reps are disappearing. Consolidated Student Solutions has a bigger problem: the unemployed folks behind on their loans are paying off the loans in full after talking to those customer service reps. Lost employees are one things, but lost profits are quite another. Can student loans be paid off in blood by making sacrifices at the altar of irony? Mister Lewis is called in to investigate whether the student loan industry is under siege by The Hipster From Hell.