If you're already sold on buying the damn book, just smack the "I Want This" button to the right.
If you're not, keep reading.
One Minute, Please? is a sexy matte black book, packed to the brim with 191 pages of hard-hitting, heart-throbbing short stories, creative writings and poetry about everything from life, love, drugs, sex, creativity and finding purpose in a world, that at times, feels wildly impossible to find purpose in.
(Here's a picture of the pretty S.O.B).
Now, before we make this magical little exchange where you give me money and I give you your very own copy of One Minute, Please?... you should probably know the shit I write is heavy.
It's heavy in the best kinds of ways.
Like a big bag full of Nutella or a vase packed with thick velvety red roses or perhaps a trunk loaded with the best sex of your life.
I don't fucking know.
To be candid, I'm not entirely sure what the fuck any of this is about. But, if you have a minute... I do think I can make you feel something.
(I stole that last bit from the back of my book).
Don't just take my word for it, a complete stranger once messaged me and said...
"Your words make me want to masturbate."
While it certainly made me feel a little uncomfortable, it was one of the best damn book reviews I've ever received in my life.
That said, I know you're probably still pretty skeptical.
Your momma told you not to talk to strangers and this has sort of stayed in your subconscious over the decades, stinking up your brain like left-over Thai food... and today at twenty or thirty or forty or fifty or however old you are you can hear your momma's voice telling you not to buy things from strangers, either.
Well, I'm not a fucking stranger.
I'm just a homie with a pen you haven't met yet.
For real, here's a black and white photograph of me brooding so you can match a face with a name...
( I swear to God I'm happy, most of the time).
"Cut the bullshit, Cole. Show me some goddamn pages for free so I know what I'm buying here!"
Here's what the poem on page 43 titled "A Novel Idea" reads...
"She said she wanted to live forever, I said she should fall in love with a writer."
Did that make you feel something?
Please tell me it made you feel something.
If so, you should probably hit that button.
If not, I don't want your money.
I wrote a book.
I'm already rich.
But, I digress.
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In about 1-2 weeks my messenger owl, Fredrick, will arrive on your doorstep with a small black package.
In this small black package will be "One Minute, Please?"
If Fredrick doesn't fly away after a minute or so, please don't be alarmed.
Simply go back inside, boil him an egg, set the boiled egg down in front of him, then back away slowly. Once at the door and inside, close it behind you immediately.
He should high-tail it out of there with the boiled egg in-talon.
If he returns with a dead rat or squirrel or your neighbor's Chihuahua it means he has taken a special liking to you. If you don't want to piss him off, I'd recommend you grab the dead animal, give him a nod, thanking him and again, back up to the door slowly.
If, for whatever reason, he attempts to hunch your leg, email me immediately at... firstname.lastname@example.org.
Anyway, I appreciate your business.
Good news! Since you already have a Gumroad account, it's also been added to your library.