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For years now, FOX News, under the unrelenting leadership of Bill O'Reilly, has been fighting the War on the War on Christmas. There have been innumerable casualties. The War on Christmas has been defenseless. It's about time we fought back.
ANNOUNCING THE WAR ON THE WAR ON THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS
Consider this the first strike: Jesus Christ was a total hippie.
Just like straight folks ruined marriage (with high divorce rates, joint Facebook profiles, & Larry King) long before gay folks ever got to put a ring on it, Christians were leading the war against Christmas long before Whoever-It-Is-Bill-O'Reilly-Actually-Thinks-Is-Leading-The-War-Against-It.
The war on Christmas began when it became about buying a bunch of shit we don't need and feeling obligated to give it to people we don't like at office parties (sorrynotsorry, Janice).
Christmas started as a weeklong gluttonous pagan sex festival (doesn't that sound awesome?). Then it was coopted by Christians and slowly, over the course of about sixteen centuries, became the marketing-crazed green & red nightmare it is today. Given the choice between the two, Jesus may've preferred the former.
Reclaiming the "Christ" in Christmas, in lieu of the more general "Happy Holidays" (if you really, really wanna evoke that idea and pretend this had anything to do with Jesus in the beginning) can only logically mean you are arguing for the following:
a holiday about love, not hate;
a holiday about giving and living minimally;
a holiday about trust in people, helping those who need help, and combatting oppression;
and above all a holiday about inclusion, which means a holiday that doesn't freak out and get all jealous when other holidays are around.
If that sounds more like something you'd be onboard with, Colonel Christmas, then it sounds like you're fighting for the same thing the folks who have been saying "Happy Holidays" all along have been fighting for: a season of respect, generosity, kindness, and love (the kind of Christmas JC wouldn't be ashamed to have his namesake attached to).
We will accept your surrender on New Year's Eve.
The Non-Denominational Elves of Socially Just Cards
 Unrelenting from mid-November til mid-Decemeber every year, and whenever there isn't anything more-relevant to rant about; veryrelenting the rest of the year.
 Unless zero is a number. It's not, is it?
 No, you're not invited, Janice.
 Irrationally fear-inducing