You love your spouse, right?
Surely you do or you wouldn't have married them.
Why, then, does it sometimes feel like you're not on the same page?
Don't worry, you're not alone.
You're different people. And even with shared beliefs, you're still going to think differently, communicate in different ways and approach things in a different manner.
Add in jobs, kids and other obligations and it's no wonder that you have misunderstandings and sometimes take each other for granted.
We know this is true because the estimated lifelong probability of a marriage ending in divorce is 40%–50%.
Nobody thinks it will happen to them and yet it happens to almost half of all marriages.
This doesn't have to be your reality.
The problem is that too many people get hung up on -- and try to recreate that honeymoon period in their life.
They remember those early sparks: talking on the phone for hours, having to rewind the movie five times because they keep missing the climax because they're making out, all the adventures they had and vacations they took before kids.
What if, instead of trying so hard to be soulmates, you spent more time focused on becoming the best teammate possible?
That's the premise of Ryan and Alaina's breakthrough new book, "Six Rules to be a Good Teammate in Your Marriage."
Picking your partner for life is one of, if not the most, important choice you’ll ever make.
Too many people make the mistake of chasing after the elusive soulmate instead of understanding and identifying what would make the perfect teammate.
The romance is critical, but with jobs, kids, aging parents, modern society's distractions and more, you need more than romance to sustain a life long relationship.
What's in the book?
- The book features six rules (more like guideposts) to becoming a good teammate in your marriage
- Each rule consists of a thorough explanation and, when appropriate, research supporting the validity of the rule
- Real-life example and anecdotes from both Ryan and Alaina on how they navigate each of the six rules
- An activity at the end of each chapter that will bring the conceptual rules to life for you and your spouse
- Finally, there's an ongoing challenge that, if followed, will ensure you're living out the six rules moving forward
- Each chapter features a 5-7 bullet summary that makes revisiting the highlights easy and seamless
- BONUS: Resources and further reading including some of our favorite studies and articles on the powerful predictors behind relationship success and easy ways to improve your marriage
Early readers have indicated the activities are their favorite part.
Completing the activities with your partner will give you both the core principles and necessary tools to get your marriage DIALED IN.
Who is this book for?
- You put everyone else's needs first: your work, your kids, your extended family, your household obligations
- You expect your spouse to be "your everything" -- that's a lot to ask one person
- You find yourself keeping score. You have a full time job and then you come home and take care of most of the household tasks. Or you feel guilty your spouse takes on more than you. (You'll appreciate rule #2!)
- You are tired and busy and inadvertently take your partner for granted
- You occasionally tell white lies to avoid confrontation
- You catch yourself feeling resentful or silently seething
- You expect your partner to be a mind reader
- You find yourself saying, "I don't care," but you definitely do
- You never talk about money. Or, you think of it as "my money" and "your money."
- You always put the kids first: meals, baths, clothes, toys...
- You're settling for good enough. You're pleasant with each other, but you're more like roommates than lovers.
What are the benefits to your marriage?
Research shows that people who remain married to one partner are statistically happier and live longer than their non-married counterparts.
Reading and actively working through the exercises in this book will enhance your relationship in ways both big and small.
Enhance your level of trust
Enable you to have more fun
- Increase your mutual respect
- Improve your communication
- Enable you to become more honest
- Leave you feeling lighter and happier
- Teach you to turn towards each other
- Renew your confidence that your marriage will work out
- Empower you to get through issues and disagreements
- Bring key core principals into your everyday consciousness
But, seriously, picture this...
You wake up grateful for your relationship with your spouse. You enjoy playful banter while you get ready for work and get the kids ready for school. (For some of you this may have to take place after a cup of coffee.)
The dishes didn't get finished last night, because you watched a movie together cuddled on the couch. This is the exception, not the norm. You normally take turns cleaning up because you're considerate of each other. You might gently pop the dish towel at your spouse while they quickly finish them. The kids laugh at Mom and Dad flirting before packing up for school.
You get to work and check your shared calendar. Date night tomorrow. You plan to stop by the store on the way home to surprise your spouse with flowers, a special coffee, a bottle of bourbon -- maybe a $1 card from your kid just to let them know you're grateful for all they do.
You get home and despite the chaos of making dinner, giving kid's baths and getting them to bed, you laugh, play and celebrate a small win at work. You make eye contact and smile at each other as the chaos ensues. You take a deep breath. You're grateful for this person and the crazy life you share together.
You think to yourself, "Sure, we sometimes experience conflict, but all marriages do and what a great opportunity to learn and grow closer and stronger together. We make each other want to be better people and we have more positive impact on each other and our community as a team."
After the kids go to bed, you pour a glass of wine and share some events of your day. You enthusiastically support and encourage each other on your individual goals and take the time to get aligned on recent developments with the kids. You start planning your next adventure because you know that experiencing new things together always brings you closer together.
If this isn't what your relationship looks like, know that it could be.
What are you waiting for?
- Maybe life is stressful right now and you know you and your spouse could simply use a refresher to get back on the same page.
- Maybe you want new information and tools in order to make an already good marriage, something great.
- Maybe you know you and your spouse need to reflect on why your marriage has gone downhill lately and remind yourselves of some basics.
- Maybe you're newlyweds, or about to get married, and you want to lay a good foundation for the future of a long and loving marriage
Whatever the state of your relationship right now, you don't want to wake up years from now, having wasted away what could have been the best years of your life living with a roommate that you barely know anymore.
And you definitely don't want to become part of the 40%-50% that don't make it.
Transform Your Marriage
Now is the time to make a decision.
You can either continue the path you're on -- the path of least resistance -- or you can choose the road that successful couples before you have chosen.
The path of least resistance will probably result in you and your spouse, navigating the same problems that always pop up.
If you want something different, something better — if you want to change the direction of your relationship you’re going to have to do something different.
You're going to have to make a choice to level up your marriage, starting today.
Starting right now.
Hit the “I Want This” button and to get your marriage DIALED IN!
You'll receive the PDF in your inbox almost instantly.
And, while the activities will have to take place over time, you can start reading and applying the core principles today.
What Others are Saying
"With almost 12 years of marriage and 4 kiddos under our belts, it was great to read and apply the activities to help strengthen our teamwork. We loved hearing Ryan and Alaina’s perspective at the end of each section." -- Brandon & Leah
"I love all this pointers, So true I can attest to this in my marriage. It’s so important to over communicate to avoid hidden assumptions which kills a lot of relationships." -- @Aminameans
"No such thing as a soulmate. That idea can easily get you in trouble. We all have to be a leader, builder, visionary, partner, and champion everyday." -- @DekConductor
"Excellent marriage (relationship) advice, Ryan. My wife and I just celebrated 20 years married (and 26 as a couple) in October. The other key? We can always improve, so don't stop trying to do better each day. Life is a roller coaster. Embrace the highs and the lows." -- @IanGertler
"25 years this year. Agree with all of these. "Don't keep score" is probably the most important. 99% of our fights revolve around this. -- @IowaPeg
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